forward…reverse

the best thing
about the light

is it sharply contrasts
and brings into focus

the darkness

where i get my
best ideas

or vice
versa

© jmr / 2009

i am not your mother

I am not your mother

It is not my role to be the caretaker, filling the void left open and bleeding when you left her home and fell into mine

My world was big enough to include your presence
My heart just naïve enough to accept everything you told me you were after the walls we both put up in the beginning

But

My instincts to provide a safe and warm haven from the cruel reality of the world do not include figuratively cleaning up after you and making order of your chaos

I have chaos of my own

I let you overcome my sense of freedom and independence with flowery words and tender touches place directly on my bare soul

I let you become the center and you;
Your job became being the center of me

You are not my father

It is not your role to be the daddy I never knew, filling the void left open and bleeding

when every man I ever cared about disappointed me and let me down

I do not have the energy to attempt
Vicariously through you

To be the perfect and totally adored woman you always dreamed of

I do not have a spirit strong enough
To carry my memories
My shame
And you

© jmr/2005

aftermath

It never ceases to make no sense;

Each time I write it down
Only adds to the current confusion

It never works itself out;

They’re lying when they say
Talking about it will ease the pain…

Because I’ve sobbed, screamed, tortured myself

And you

And I still feel the emptiness

Like a black hole burned by past fires
In my heart-

Leaving nothing but ashes in the aftermath

© jmr/2005