irrational needs

Sink your teeth into my skin

Show me how much you need me

 

Your vulnerability on your breath

As you exhale into my mouth

 

Rub me raw from the outside in

 

Masturbate my emotions

 

Your soul spilling from your lips

As you touch them to mine

 

 

© jmr / 2008

 

intellectual honesty

from strangers
to intellectual lovers
leaving the sweaty sheets tangled
on our unmade bed

if i had a penny for every time
i almost grabbed your hand
if i had a penny for every time
you almost said it …

it’s always on the tip of your tongue
i always feel it there between us
even in a room filled with people

you’re the first one i want to call
and the last one i want to see
the look in my eyes

when…
you push me away
when i sense your disapproval
when you smile with pride like you made me yourself

i am aware of
the awkward, boyish way
you hide behind
all you have

to prove you don’t feel
what you know you do

trying to keep in synch
with your neatly wrapped life
the sensible car
with child seats in the back

the phone call that always comes
with the obvious ringtone
censoring the truth
breaking the spell

emphasizes, with neon letters
all that can never be

© jmr / 2009

and, did i mention?

your cowboy
swagger
deliberate
no wasted steps
except those intentional

that look
you know the one…
soft lines
touching the corners
of your eyes

squinting slightly
while you consider
me

skin
smooth and warm
golden brown
you move like a sultry jazz song

broad shoulders
designed
to carry the world’s
weight
your own
mine

your charm
contageous laughter
dark chocolate voice
with a caramel
finish

intellect
quick wit
our banter…
dancing water drops
on a hot skillet

speaking of hot…

© jmr/2009

no longer two different things…

flipping through channels this evening i stopped [absent mindedly] at a show i’d never even heard of before…  it was about complicated lives full of truth and lies… 

 

and the intricate web that is the heart of a woman…  the heart of a mother… the heart of a lover… the heart of a friend.

 

two of the four women, who were obviously long time friends, were walking together and talking. 

 

one of them, the vivacious glossy brown eyed and promiscuous one, [who i later learned had just begun to experiment with her sexuality and gender preferences] was lamenting about a feeling she had recently that she could not define, had never felt before, and didn’t know how she would find again…

 

she had tried to find it again over the previous several weeks of further experimentation in every combination she could think of, trying to detangle herself from her confusion… but the feeling was elusive –

 

her friend asked, “what did it feel like exactly?”

she answered, “overwhelming, but not in a bad way”

 

her friend replied, “was it like your emotions and your body were no longer two different things?”

 

the girl stared at her friend, a little shocked, yet relieved at the realization that she was completely and thoroughly understood, and nodded her head enthusiastically. 

 

her friend said, simply, “you’re in love”.

 

I suppose there is no way to predict when love will come into your life, how swiftly it will take over your sensibilities, causing you to immediately throw self preservation to the far corners without question, making the impossible seem possible, nothing seem dangerous and everything seem right… 

 

making the soul insatiable for more more more…

 

You can’t pre-determine how you will respond; how it will rip through your veins and tear apart the foundation of who you were and what you knew (or know)…  making it impossible to ever go backward and a shaky prospect, at best, to go forward – how will you ever know what’s real again after THIS if THIS isn’t the end all and be all…  and how presumptuous to assume that THIS is real when you obviously don’t know SHIT (after all [insert past here]…)

 

There isn’t a way to anticipate if you will be ready for it, who or what in your life might be impacted if the timing is wrong (or if the timing is right), how your mind will shift when you realize you’ve been living a lie but now you KNOW better, or what you would be willing to give up…

 

For the girl in the storyline, it wasn’t anything she was attempting to recreate on her own - not gender, or excitement of the chase, or even the experience itself that shook her.  it was, at the core, the connection and alignment of the different pieces of herself she’d been able to keep in their own perfect little boxes her whole life…  she was an expert before this at never spilling from one box to the other, and never confusing which contents belonged where.  

 

It was the person.

 

For those of us who have never felt that perfect, simple, effortless unification of all the senses, mind body and spirit before, it’s easy to be blown away (and right onto our ass) by its introduction.

 

It’s easy to let the heart trick the mind into believing it means something it does not, and that both people involved have to be on the same page at the same pace at the exact same time, because, after all, it’s LOVE.

 

It’s easy to flood ourselves with dreams of “meant to be” and “this is magic”, rush to conclusions which might involve traditional things – a family, a home, forever after…

 

But it’s so hard to open ourselves to the notion of:

 

Simply enjoying the feeling

 

Letting it fill us completely

Until there is no more room inside

And then letting it fill us some more

 

Not caring about the outcome

Not considering the risks…

 

Just jumping, knowing full well

there is

no net

 

jmr/2009

taken

 

lucid dreams

full of your scent

your touch

my reaction

your brown eyes

that look

you give me

 

i can feel you

i can taste you

 

when i wake

i’m sorry

it’s over

 

i see myself

falling

 

i feel myself

wanting

more

 

no amount of logic

or denial

can change

how i feel

 

oh, for lazy sunday mornings…

 

lounging in bed

warm skin to warm skin

feeling your heart beat

against my cheek

knowing i’m right where i’m supposed to be

 

to last forever

if only they could last forever

 

 

© jmr / 2009

 

true

Timid nervous shy

Covering the obvious with innuendo
And shades of flattery

Normally reserved for wheeling and dealing
Out of a situation of discomfort

Used instead to shroud two fearful hearts

That night
That night could not have come soon enough
Could not have been more emotionally charged

If we replayed the scene again and again

To recapture the uncertainty of my fingers
Wrapped around yours

The exuberance of two hearts
Once alone

Meeting the long lost other
For the first time

We danced
A mating ritual

Charming flattering

Falling without the safety of knowing
Believing in the possibility
That the words
May very well
Be true

jmr/2008

misapplied tenderness

There is tension in our unspoken
Misapplied tenderness
Dangerous – the prospect
Of breathing too much life
Into
This
By analyzing
Unraveling this truth

You dig so deeply
Faster than my ability to recover
Than my ability to hide
You are an artisan
This…
Your craft

We dance a tango
Carefully keeping boundaries intact
I yearn to know more
Of you
But keep you at arm’s length

Yes… I admit

You
Manipulate my emotions
Awaken my intellect
Make me question my integrity

To resist you
Takes all I have

jmr/2004