through love colored glasses

you say I see you through
love colored glasses
causing your beauty to increase exponentially
in direct proportion
to my feelings for you

that I don’t see you as you really are

in a “face only a mother could love”
kinda way
falsely amplifying your qualities
beyond who you have come to terms with being

that you are an ordinary man
nothing special
doing ordinary things
nothing particularly unique
or meaningful

that I see you like no one else does…

that’s a pretty intimate revelation
one that makes the hard candy shell of your exterior intensely vulnerable…

I wrote this to you the other day
I know you read it
Absorbed it

You responded silently with a sharp halt in wall building; punctuated by butterfly kisses on my forehead…

………..
my love,
I am thankful for you…
………..

you
are

a real man
whose word and deed
overflow with honesty
compassion
tenderness and strength

who is a reflection of
all that’s good in me
and an example
of all I wish to be

a good man
who loves without limit
teaches and shares his hard [L]earned wisdom

whose word is his bond

whose laughter
lights a room
(and my soul)
on fire

a man of vision
who stimulates my intellect
my dreams
my body

who keeps me grounded in the now
without ever letting me lose sight of
how far i’ve come
what I’m made of
and all that’s possible

who supports me
and tells me the truth
with respect and kindness
with[out] filters or fear

a man of humility
who thinks he’s just doing
what a man is supposed to do

but here is the truth.

YOU ARE FAR FROM AVERAGE
nothing short of extraordinary

your light shines brighter
than you can see

but I see…

and I know
just how lucky
I am

(c) jmr / 2011

and really… haven’t you always been here?

there is a thread that runs between us

forever binding us together

throughout time and space in

love

loss

life

death

heartache

survival

accomplishment

failure…

woven intricately

intersecting over and

over and

over

in hindsight

it’s a miracle

it took this long

in hindsight

it’s a miracle.

nothing is for nothing.

© jmr/2011

soak blue lines on freshly purchased notebook paper

i write you love letters every day…

in my mind… with my lips… with my pen… in my soul…
my thoughts blend together,

soak blue lines on freshly purchased notebook paper,

escape in whispers lifted away by the wind…

i feel you next to me always… your presence is always… present

i tell you all about my life, where I’ve been and all the why’s…

why I have such a hard time trusting
why you catch tears falling with no apparent cause
why I sometimes can’t look at you

why my jaw trembles during soft moments laying side by side
when you’re holding your heart out to me
in that almost shy way you do
why I want so badly to let go and believe that

You
Love
Me

© jmr/2011

know this beyond any shadow

bring me back to real and don’t let me change your course
with my fear

call me on it.

and know this
beyond any shadow

i can
i will

© jmr/2011

moments

with you…

i can have those moments
when i’m a mess
my walls are completely down
my heart is right there in the open
with nothing to protect me

and i look ugly with my red face and my swollen crying eyes

it’s in those moments
i know

if i raise my gaze
i will look into your eyes

and see nothing

but kindness

tenderness

and truth

© jmr/2011

candy man

At first, she had a hard time listening without judgment as he told her all about himself and how he held onto her for so many years… instantly dismissing him with what she called common sense and realistic logic.  Yet there was something that drew her to him; something she couldn’t explain… deep within– she knew there was something extraordinary waiting to be discovered between them.

But it wasn’t until the first time they laid together; before they even touched… that she tasted the power of their connection.  She still couldn’t explain it; but she could feel it… rich and warm and enveloping her in an incredible sense of belonging right there… right then… with him…

And when she let him into her body, it was like she let him into her spirit…  the shock of his size, his weight heavy over her, the dreamy thick i-can-barely-breathe-this-air feeling…  all too much to take yet she could never get enough closeness like that…

All the stories she had locked away in her mind and her heart…  the ones that never took flight… that lost their momentum in the space between her mind and her fingertips as they held black ink filled cold silver…

They were really nothing more than vague recollections; dreams floating on the wind… merging together like moisture in a dark cloud, dumping tears like rain before dissolving to make way for the sun’s powerful rays…  

Like everything, there is a cycle to those stories… birth… life and finally death; maybe best laid to rest as memories of who she used to be – buried deep within the protective grasp of the same  little girl who kept the secrets to herself all those years… 

After all… the man he is can see them anyway…  holds his fingers steadfast around her own; keeping her secrets safe and her heart open to all that love can be.

© jmr/04.11

raw

you’re letting me love you
with my heart on my sleeve
and my eyes wide open

with honesty
and simplicity

in an
un-conventional
un.cookie.cutter’y
un-spectacular
yet

greatest love of all time
kinda way

hoping you can’t see
through to my soul
(and knowing you do)
(and amazed that you
still want to
even though
you see)
me

kinda way

laughing while making love
let’s inspire greatness in each other
thank you for parking in the driveway
kiss your eyelids while you’re sleeping

hand on my throat
heart in your hands

first and last thought
where’s my phone
in the morning

kinda way

through fear and doubt and
‘i.vowed.i.would.never.do.this.again’
i’m letting you love me too

cause baby,
this aint nothing like that
ever tried to be

© jmr/2010

you love me…

You love me
I suppose that’s enough for some
And analyzing the statement may appear senseless, critical, without right or provocation
Still I feel the need to decipher your definition

I think I know “you” are somewhere inside your skin
You’re yearning to be discovered
Like a Hollywood starlet waiting tables

You love me
I can assume that means you know everything about me
You feel my feelings, you live in my mind, you devour my soul
You want to reach inside yourself and display your guts to me
In your open hands

I can assume that means you wake in the morning to your first thought
Of me
And you lie in bed at night absorbed in thoughts
Of me
And you dream of the next time we’ll be together
In wake and sleep

Truth is… I do not know

I think of ways to reach you – to pull you out of your head
For two seconds
I say things to you without thinking and instantly wish
I had not spoken
Why is that?
Because I share what is deep inside of me
And you dwell on the surface

If I give you time will you meet me half way?
If I wait until you’re ready will it break us both?
What if you are who you are now
And there is no more
What if a lifetime of this… silence
Awaits me

jmr/2005

something inexplicably mine

you hold your heartbreak
close to your chest
even to the discerning eye
it’s nearly colorless

but to me

it’s vivid
brighter
than nature’s greens and blues
illuminated by the noon time sun

i see you
as a man
tall and strong
unbreakable

the young boy
you used to be
beneath the soft
deep brown
in your eyes

you contradict you

unintentionally
willingly
beautifully

there is something
inexplicably mine

within you

i am desperately
unable
to resist
either one of us
being this vulnerable

© jmr/2010

it just do

You are

Sexy
Delicious

Beautiful inside and out

(and I love your hands)
(and I love that smile)
(and I love when you lower your voice to tell me something good)
(and I love how it feels in your arms plus or minus fabric – catch my drift?)

smart

cool

I respect you

You make me laugh
And laugh
And laugh

Blush
Smile
Feel shy
Brazen

Bold

Sometimes you even make me cry but that’s ok

Cause it’s love love
Love

All the things that go together
Everything that don’t
And somehow when blended

It just do
It just do

jmr/2010

home

it is this
bliss

uncommon to most

mostly

uncommon to me

that stops my heart
stuns me
mid gait

mid sentence

silences my resistance

i feel you
long afterward

you are

still

here

inside me
in

my bones

my muscles sore
my body weak

my soul yearning

for sweet relief
tender release

found only
in your embrace

your depth
your wisdom

you light my mind
on fire
you set my soul
free

i offer to you

anything i have

everything i am

all i ever will be

loving you

has brought me
full circle

i
am
home

© jmr/2010

you are not the past

i am

 

drawing parallels

where there are

none

 

taking steps

to protect myself

where i don’t need to

you are not

the past

 

my fear is the only thing

standing between

us

 

step up

make me look myself

in the eyes

 

don’t let

me

go

 

© jmr / 2010

tell me

tell me again

tell me you love me

and over time
as I disclose more about who I am
and where I’ve been

tell me again
don’t let me avoid your eyes
tell me
until I believe

never let the words become
hollow
something uttered while making love
or ending a phone conversation
mechanical
out of obligation

as the years go by
and I grow older

don’t ever stop

always hold me tight
let me feel your strength
the honesty of your convictions
tell me it’s going to be alright

tell me again
© jmr / 2009

you awaken my spirit

my love,
time stands absolutely still

silence
threatens to swallow us both
whole

silence fills my soul
softens my restraint

my lips supple and anxious
to receive your kisses

more kisses
gentle like butterflies
along my neck

you awaken my spirit

and dreams!
who knew i had so many
that
after all these years
i still ache to make
come true

you make me want to wear flowers in my hair
slow dance with you by the edge of a river
in a foreign land

run barefoot in the sand
play like children
laugh, warm and safe in your arms

watch the old folks smile as they pass us by
hand in hand, looking into each other’s eyes
remembering when they felt the same

i see myself in your eyes

the very best version of myself
staring
back at me in the mirror

i see you, always, by my side

© jmr / 2010

you’re still here…

you have conquered me…

showed me that you mean it without condition

clearly stated your feelings
so there could be no room for my misguided interpretation
so there could be no room for familiar distrust

it is what it is
you are who you are
what i see
is what is there

you’ve appealed to me on every level of comprehension

you’ve made sure

the woman
the child
the coward
the lover
the fighter
the sinner
the saint

in me all know

irrevocably
that you see it all
inside and out

and you’re still here…
you’re still here

© jmr/ 2010

your shirt pocket

I take a step forward, unthinking, as I match my stride to yours

Til we walk in perfect cadence

Because it’s easier that way

For me
For you

I hold my head at the opposite angle of yours

As we face each other; mirroring your expression

The way your arms are crossed against your middle

To let you know I hear you
I’m listening
I’m interested

If
I look behind me it’s because I cannot find me

In your eyes
Your words
Your attempts to hold onto me while I struggle to break free

Another step toward the front
Cause that’s where you are
And I’m trying to catch up

I lost my heart
And I swear to god I think you have it
In your shirt pocket

jmr/2006

safe and sound

you bring out the lady in me
the one with impeccable manners
who knows just what to say
at a dinner party

you bring out the child in me
the one who finds joy in a butterfly
who lays on the grass and decides what
clouds resemble

you bring out the animal in me
the one who straddles you
flat on your back and holds your hands
behind your head

you bring out the woman in me
the one who nurtures the man
she loves with sweetness, vulnerability
trust and honesty

you bring out the dreamer in me
the one who doesn’t understand
the meaning of can’t… and strives
to achieve everything

you humble me
with every touch
every word
every moment i can rest so easily within

even when we’re apart
i’m always in your arms
safe and sound

©jmr/2009

promises

you will protect me
and i will love you
you will teach me
to live in the moment
and i will accept
you just as you are

we will
forever
carry each other
never taking
too much
giving
without measure

you will hold my hand
and i will hold your heart
you will burrow deep
into my warm embrace
and i will give you every reason
to believe in me

we will
always
reach each other
without even
trying
love
without condition

you will show me
truth
and i will show you
understanding
we will show each other
what we’ve both been missing

you will tilt my head up
to show me the stars
and i will see

i will mirror their shine
every time i look at you

i am yours
©jmr/2009

i’ll get there

awkward
uncertain
insecure

you reduce me
to first day of second grade
nervous

it’s the way you see through me
it’s the way you hold the mirror
up for me to see
myself
for who i really am

it’s the way you appear
to be
exactly the same

you’re better
at trusting
than i am

but I’ll get there

©jmr/2009

my silence

there is stillness
within the moments
when you express
your deepest
truths

exposing what’s beneath
to the core
of who you are

i am not physically
near you
but i feel you

your warm breath
on my lips
your heart beat
against my skin
closeness
beyond
what words can explain

sometimes words
outloud
aren’t necessary

if you listen to me
like i listen to you
you will hear

©jmr/2009